It’s a loaded question for me. Ultimately what I would love more than anything on Mother’s Day is something I’ll never have; another day with my own beloved mother. She passed away 12 years ago at the young age of 59, and I am still not recovered from it. Who can really recover from losing your biggest cheerleader, strongest advocate, your best friend. My mother was all those things and much more. She was the strongest woman I’ve ever known, and as much as I try to match her strength and accomplishments I know I never will. She had walls stacked against her her entire life; surviving a near death stroke, surviving a heart attack, being left to care for and solely support five children with no college education, and then ultimately battling the effects of emphysema before her death. Despite all these setbacks I never ever heard my mother complain about her challenges. She delighted in the beauty of every day life. She always told me that every day we wake up and get out of bed, we have two choices: be happy or be sad. She chose happiness every day no matter what that day presented to her. She was, and still is my hero.

There isn’t a day that has gone by since February 7, 1997 that I don’t try to dig deep to remember all that she taught me. It’s like cramming for a test, trying to remember every detail, every sentence, every word she ever said. When I had my first child who was colicky and had developmental delays, I dug deep to imagine what she might advise me. I dug deep when my second child suffered terrifying allergic reactions and subsequently faced the idea that food could indeed kill my son if we’re not vigilant. I dug deep when my third and fourth children were born, again suffered from various developmental delays and my days became more filled with therapies, doctor appointments, assessments, IEP meetings, 504 Meetings, school meetings, etc.

What it all comes down to are those two choices my mother once said we all have: be happy or be sad. I am not nearly as brave or strong or patient, but I spend every day to at least try to be half the mom she was. Weeks like this past one when I have had to dig deep once again, talking with my children’s school, getting ready for the spring rounds of what I call “IEP Season”, therapy assessments, neurology appointments, occupation, speech, social and physical therapy I try so hard to remember what being a mother is ultimately about. Oftentimes I tend to complicate matters by thinking I can give 120 percent to everyone. I find myself burned out, tired and impatient. So my mother’s words came back into my head about choices; be happy or be sad.

I choose total and unconditional happiness. In fact, it wasn’t until I became a mother myself that I really learned what the word unconditional meant. Being a mother is the single most rewarding thing I’ve ever done with my life, and if that means I have to wear several different hats over the course of a day, so be it. My four children reward me every day with sense of wonder, innocence and unconditional love. I am profoundly grateful for all that I have.

This Sunday, all I wish for Mother’s Day, is to sit and just “be” with my children. No emails, calls, carpools, meetings, therapies, you get the picture. The past few weeks have been especially trying, and sometimes I seem to forget the simplicity of being a mother. But this Mother’s Day, and hopefully more days thereafter I will remember.

Hats off to my fellow mamas (whatever hat you seem to be wearing today!) and have a very Happy Mother’s Day!