John turns seven in one week, but he had his first birthday party today. His first birthday party with friends, that is. Yes, he’s had traditional family celebrations every year but they have all been just us and in our home. So many people have asked me why I opted to never hold a party for him and his friends. It’s complicated, but I’ll go back to his first birthday celebration in 2003.
Prior to John’s first birthday, we already knew he suffered from food allergies. He had his first reaction at seven months old after he ate a Gerber Veggie Wheel. We had just moved to a new house far out in the suburbs away from the city. John was eating some cheerios in his high chair and I thought he was doing so well with his finger food, that I might give the new Veggie Wheels I just bought. I figured they had the word “veggie” in it, so they had to be healthy. Little did I know that they were coated in powdered cheese, probably to give the little Styrofoam wheel some pizazz. I handed him a wheel to “mouth”, turned my back to get something for my 3 -year- old daughter, and within a minute heard coughing.
I turned around and saw John’s sweet, red face (he had severe eczema on his face…little did I know at the time there was a connection between food allergies and eczema) covered in hives, especially around his mouth. I froze for a second, because I couldn’t figure out what was going on with John. Was he choking? Why would choking cause his face to break out? Should I pat his back? That’s what I did next, pulled him out of his highchair, patted his back, and gave him his sippy of water. I had the name of a local pediatrician so I started dialing. Of course, I never thought to call 911 yet because I didn’t recognize he was having an allergic reaction. I didn’t even know what one was.
I got a hold of a nurse, who told me to give him Benadryl, and to monitor his coughing and hives. If they went away, I was to come in to the doctor’s office the following day for a check up. If he continued to struggle with his breathing, I was to take him to the emergency room. Luckily I did have Benadryl in the house so I gave him a dose, watched and waited, and the symptoms diminished. I took him to the doctor the next day who casually informed me that my son probably suffered a food allergy reaction, and gave me the name of a local allergist. I was in shock. I tried to ask more questions such as, what could he have been allergic to? After going through the ingredient list the doctor said maybe it was the cheese powder, but only the allergist would be able to diagnose for sure.
I know what many of you are thinking….we were lucky. Lucky that the reaction didn’t progress to something that could have put his life at risk. Especially because the pediatrician’s office didn’t give the right instructions for someone who is suspected of suffering an allergic reaction. I should have been told to call 911 right away. What if the Benadryl didn’t work? What if his airways closed, blood pressure dropped and he became unconscious? What if I didn’t have Benadryl? Is the directive “watch and wait” good enough? Never. This is just one of many reasons there needs to be more education about food allergies. My own pediatrician’s office didn’t have a real understanding of how quickly these reactions can progress to something life threatening. I know I was lucky….it was a warning. But as many of you already know, reactions can vary in severity, and just because someone has a mild to moderate reaction, it doesn’t mean the next one won’t be life threatening.
Fast forward to just a few weeks before John’s first birthday party at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. I searched for weeks for a delicious dairy, egg and nut free cake recipe. I was still figuring out what John could and couldn’t eat, and at this point he had been formally diagnosed by an allergist. I was too afraid to buy anything at the store, because at that time there wasn’t the Food Labeling Act (2006) and I still didn’t understand all the code names for egg and milk. I desperately wanted to order a special cake from a bakery; the kind I always got for my daughter, complete with beautiful decorations. It would have been so much easier. But I knew that wasn’t an option. Finally I found a recipe that seemed easy to make (although I didn’t know what it was supposed to look like because most of the food allergy books then didn’t have colorful photos, a big pet peeve of mine).I made the cake and it failed miserably. It was dry, bland and not worth eating. We all ate it grudgingly, but I knew I had to do better the next time.
As John got older, I always asked him if he wanted a birthday party like his big sister always had. He didn’t have any interest, and told me he’d rather celebrate with just family. Now, John isn’t the type of kid who likes attention on him, in fact, he avoids it at all costs. But I figured it had to be something more. Maybe he didn’t want to eat differently than his friends at his own party? Maybe he didn’t want to have his friends say his “special snack” wasn’t as good as a real birthday cake? John never had a reason he wanted to share with me.
So fast forward again to today. I asked John a few weeks ago, like I do every year, if he wanted a big present and a family party, or a party with his friends. To my surprise, he said “a Pump It Up party!” For those of you don’t know what Pump It Up is, it is a big inflatable party place. They do everything, set up your party, order pizza and food, watch your kids jump and climb and then clean up the mess afterward. I was so shocked John wanted this type of party, I asked him twice more, “Are you sure?”. Yes, he said annoyingly.
I have to say I was a little nervous. Would the kids miss the pizza? Would they miss the big Costco sized cake all the kids seemed to love? John told me to make his favorite dairy and egg free cupcakes, and said that was all he really wanted. I knew the kids would love the cupcakes, they’ve been tested over and over again over the years with so many different kids and family members. This is why it is so important to have really good allergy friendly recipes that are yummy and taste like the real thing. Kids notice, and they won’t eat your food if they think it is “icky”. To even out the pizza free menu, I instead offered colorful fresh fruit kabobs, (and quickly asked for the sticks once they were done as I could see it in their eyes they wanted to use them as swords), pretzels, cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies. Everything was devoured. They boys loved the treats, and no one talked about whether or not they were allergen free. They just enjoyed the treats as they would at any other party. This meant the world to me. It was a glimpse of normalcy.
I don’t take these moments for granted. To see my food allergic son be just like any other kid was a gift. The party was a success and it made me wonder why we didn’t do this sooner. I think John is learning to open up and I am learning to let go. And until next week when we do our family’s sloppy joes/chips/chocolate cake dinner for John’s real birthday, I will count my blessings. Every year that goes by is truly a blessing, isn’t it?
You seem such a “have it all together” kind of mom, so it’s reassuring that even you went through a learning curve. I’m glad that your son enjoyed his party!
What a scary experience to go through. I am glad he had such a wonderful first birthday with his friends though. Happy belated birthday John!
We have children that were diagnosed around the same time! I am facing my first party with friends this year, and this post gives me courage to try it. It is true that the labeling laws have made it so much easier to shop, it used to take HOURS! And I am thankful for the increased options we have now. I remember picking up a bag of frozen chicken breast after our diagnosis, thinking surely they would be fine. Checked the ingredients- milk! In frozen chicken breast. I am noticing a lot less of this though, and that makes me happy.
Congratulations on your first successful birthday party. I wish you both many more.
I think women like you have given me the advantage to make excellent baked goods for my allergic son. I would not even know were to begin to make my own recipe. You did all the hard work of figuring it out for me. I have not had a birthday party for him outside our home but we just had his third birthday party last weekend and using the wilton football cake pan I made an awesome cake for him using an allergy free recipe.
Happy Birthday to John! Sounds like he had a great bounce house party. My son would like to come to his sloppy joe party more – that is one of his top three favorite dinners!
Kelly, I just love your blog…thank you, thank you, thank you! I read your posts and as the mom of a dairy-allergic 5 year old girl, I completely understand the emotional part of food allergies. My daughter had her first ever friend birthday party last month at her favorite vegan diner here in Dallas. She wanted to share her “safe food” restaurant with her friends. They made her a beautiful (and delish!) chocolate cake and everyone had safe cake and ice cream. And for the first time, she had a large crowd of kids sing to her and she got to open gifts from her friends. It wasn’t “just” a birthday party and it wasn’t about the gifts…it was a momentous moment of inclusion and it was wonderful! Congratulations to John on his first party and happy birthday!
Rebecca
I have 2 sons with food allergies. My older one is severely allergic to peanuts and milk, and my younger one is allergic to peanuts and eggs. It is so nice to read about other people going through the same struggles I do and to know I’m not alone. I have made “safe” birthday cakes for my boys every year, but they are always dry and not very good. I am going to make your chocolate cake recipe this time and hope my son will actually want to eat his birthday cake this year.
Every parent with food allergic kids has a learning curve. No one expects to find that your child can’t eat normal things. Thanks for your insights and ideas. Not having to figure out everything by yourself is so helpful.
I recently read about your blog in the Disney Family Fun magazine and I’m so thankful that I did. I am quickly becoming addicted. You are able to put into words how I feel everyday dealing with the worry of having a peanut allergic daughter. My son, although has tested negative for a milk allergy is still experiencing rashes whenever he has it. He also is having issues with multiple other foods. I can’t wait to try your recipes! It’s so hard to find good dairy free egg free foods that we all want to eat. Thank you for your hard work in putting together recipes that I would never be able to.
Happy Birthday to your little boy!
What a great story Kelly – thanks for sharing and I’m thrilled that John had such a great birthay celebration! It always brings tears to my eyes to read these stories because its so touching to know there are other parents who understand how emotional it is watching your child have a “normal kid moment” that many other people take for granted. Thanks for this blog and all of your recipes – congrats to you too on how far you’ve come…from a mom who wasn’t sure what to do about the first allergic reaction to a mom who has created all of these amazing recipes for us to share!
My son, Nicholas, is having his “first out-of-home” birthday party in a few weeks at “Bouncetown”. He will be turning five and this is a very big deal for our family. I really enjoyed your story…I’m very excited for my first “normal kid moment.” I’m going to use your carmel corn recipe!
Oh Katie, don’t be fooled! I am NOT a “have it together” type of mom at all! In fact I often feel like I am a “day late, dollar short” kind of mom (old saying my mom used to say!). But thank you so much, and definitely know, I went through the curve, and STILL continue to learn every day. In fact, I learn a ton from you (my readers) as well as all the other fabulous food allergy blogs I visit.
Thanks so much Alisa!
Thanks so much Tanya for your comment. I can’t wait to hear how YOUR first party goes this year! I know what you are saying…it used to take hours and it was so complicated. I had to laugh about the chicken breast comment…who knew? Milk in bread, crackers, sausage, meat, ham, etc. Never easy. Thanks so much again!
Thanks SO MUCH Liz for your very kind comment! I am so happy to share my recipes, and am truly grateful that you and moms everywhere have yummy treat recipes to make for their little ones (as well as themselves). I love that you made a football cake…very cool idea and I am sure your son loved it! I LOVE that he loves sloppy joes too (in my house, we also call them “sloppy johnnies”).
Thanks so much Rebecca for your comment! Your daughter’s birthday sounds perfect…exactly as it should be! You hit the nail on the head…”it was a moment of inclusion and it was wonderful!” It is truly amazing how these little moments bring such joy and happiness. I LOVE hearing these stories! So glad all went fabulous!
Thanks for writing Kristin! I can promise you your sons will love to eat their birthday cakes this year! We just finished off the rest of the chocolate cupcakes tonight after dinner…and they rival any bakery’s recipe. You are DEFINITELY not alone, we all feel your pain and anxiety. Somehow it really helps to know we are all in this together. Let me know how the birthday cakes go over!
Thanks so much Tonya! As I said earlier, I am still learning everyday, and have learned a ton from you guys as well. I pray and hope for the day that this all goes away someday, and we can live in a world without food allergies. Imagine that!
Thanks Jane! Very very nice of you to say! I am sorry to hear about your daughter’s peanut allergy. I agree, it sounds like your son is reacting to something in the milk protein. Did you do the RAST test and the blood test? My allergist always used to say, that parent observation is usually the most important criteria of all in diagnosing food allergies. The tests aren’t always reliable, but if he is reacting in some way, I would treat it as an allergy. Thanks so much!!!
Thanks so much Carla! That is so sweet of you to say.
It’s the normal moments that mean so much, right?
The caramel corn and the chocolate caramel corn are FABULOUS party snacks!! Good luck at the Bouncetown party Laurie!
I’m so happy for John. Birthday parties have always been a challenge. My son always brings his own food to parties, but to have everyone eat the same food and it not even be an issue is amazing. It’s hard to let go. But our kids deal with these issues better than we do, and they are stronger people because of it. At the same time, there is always something to deal with. Yesterday we went to a MLB game and after the game they let the kids go on the field and run the bases. My 3 sons were thrilled. Then my heart fell when we exited the park and they were yelling “Free ice cream for everyone who ran the bases” and my heart sunk to see they were Drumstick cones with peanuts. It made him so sad and took away from the whole day, leaving me to decide whether to let the other two have it or no one have it. Thank you for the positive story.
Kelly, congratulations on your successful party!! I know what a wonderful feeling it is to see our little ones and their friends enjoy their special and delicious treats, not giving a second thought to the fact that they are allergy safe. My “baby” just turned 7 yesterday. Happy birthday to John and congrats, too, on your pregnancy!
thanks for sharing the information about your son’s allergies. Also i appreciate all your recipes and information about food. I just found your site tonight while googling ‘dairy free corn free’ and it was your post about caramel popcorn. i’m wondering where you find ‘dairy free butter’ and what that even is? also, dairy free chocolate? i saw rice-milk chocolate at the store once a few months ago, at whole foods, is that what you are referring to? thanks!!
leah
That first time a reaction happens is quite scary, especially since you don’t know what it is or why it’s happening but once it starts, it comes quickly. I remember the first allergic reaction my daughter had. We had been at a party and she had a small piece of pistachio cake (she was 3). She was fine until about two hours later when we were home, she was bright red with hives forming and completely lethargic, out of nowhere it seemed. My first instinct was hospital, but I honestlly didn’t think there was enough time. So we called the ped, and he said to give benadryl (we didn’t have any), luckily there is a drugstore around the corner, so my husband ran to get some. It did help control what was happening, but she still looked horrible for a few days.
I was so happy to read about you in Family Fun this month. I told my husband every recipe I’ve tried from you over the last few months has turned out perfectly (but the chocolate chip cookies are our favorite). We’re so planning to buy your book when it comes out.
Happy birthday to John! My son who has the dairy/egg allergy is turning 7 in October. We used to do Rice Krispies treats for preschool friend parties. They can be molded into a lot of cool shapes and most kids love them. For his sister’s (whose not allergic to anything) recent 5th birthday party we used a vanilla wacky cake recipe but dyed it in six colors to make rainbow cupcakes. None of the guests (except big brother) even noticed it was egg/dairy free. They were so busy looking at the inside and decorating them with more rainbow sprinkles. LOL.
I love your ideas Jennifer!! Thanks so much for writing and I happy all the recipes have worked out well for you!
Thanks so much Linday for writing!! I appreciate it!
My son’s first reaction was at 10 months and our story is so similar to yours. I gave him yogurt for the first time and he was immediately covered in hives. It also didn’t occur to me to call 911. I called the ped, who said to give Benadryl and “keep an eye on him.” We didn’t have Benadryl, so I drove to a local pharmacy with my hive-covered baby to get some. I always think of what could have happened if, for some reason, his first exposure had been to peanuts instead of milk — we are very lucky that things turned out OK!
So glad that your son had such a happy birthday experience with friends!
I’m so glad John had a great time. Z had a great time too and if there was anything different about the treats he was completely unaware of it. He enjoys being teammates and friends with John and doesn’t view him as different at all.
Thanks so much Laurie…that means so much!
Thanks so much Sharon for your story. It’s amazing how similiar our stories are, and I bet there are so many others other there like ours. It just goes to show you how medical professionals, ie doctors, nurses, etc. need to be further educated on food allergy awareness. Thanks for sharing!
Was he vaccinated? If so have you done a heavy metal detox diet with him? I’m a raw vegan nurse and have known kids with autism that go through a metal detox plan and come out “healed” from autism and food allergies. See http://www.generationrescue.org/.
Love this site! My daughter is just 2 so I don’t have the “friend party” angst quite yet…but I will say that my older “non food allergic” son’s friend parties are enough to do me in with her in the room! He absolutely wanted a Star War’s Clone Wars cake from the bakery…I honestly didn’t enjoy watching my son because I was SO concerned about her. Thank goodness I had my husband to help and grandparents.
I stumbled upon your website after reading about it in Family Fun magazine, and I am so glad that I did. Your posts are very insightful and I enjoy reading them. I am able to learn from you from 2 perspectives: as a parent of a 2 year old daughter with food allergies and a teacher. It is amazing at how I look differently at all of the children in my classroom after my daughter’s diagnosis.
Your recipes look phenomenal and I cannot wait to try them. Also to hear about the birthday party gives me something to look forward to…I’m so glad it was a success.
Kristy
I know you posted this a while ago but I was interested to read it as I am planning my son’s first food allergy-friendly birthday party. He also had his first reaction as a baby – he was 10 months old and I gave him a spoon of dairy yogurt…what followed was a horrible experience that I will never forget. He had an anaphylactic reaction and interestingly enough I also called the pediatrician and the nurse (after talking to the doctor) also told me to give him Benadryl and observe him….luckily I did not, I called 911. Needless to say I switched pediatricians and we have one of the best allergist in the country.
I am a little nervous about the party but I am going to use your recipes so I should be good:) thanks!