Christmastime is fully of merry wishes. For weeks my children speak of what they “wish” for. Today my 7-year-old John had somewhat of a different wish. After picking him up from school he said “Mom, I really wish I could order more lunches from school. I’ve only gotten to order a couple times this year.” Sigh. Today was Chicken Tender day, the infamous tenders that were safe to eat last year, but not this year because the brand that is ordered has changed and now contains milk. I suppose it was a bittersweet reminder to him of what he was missing out on.
Such a bummer. I know to the average Joe it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but for us food allergy mama’s, it brings up that whole inclusion thing again. Our kids routinely miss out on the simple things of childhood; walking through a lunch line at school AND being able to eat it, going out for hot cocoa when out shopping on a cold winter’s day, etc. So much in our lives is food-centered, and when you are dealing with life threatening allergies, well, it just doesn’t feel like “eat and be merry”.
I apologized to John for the lack of choices in his lunchroom this year (as opposed to last year). I tried to highlight the positive; there is now soy milk being being offered in his cafeteria whereas before his only option was water and sugary apple juice. He still wasn’t buying it. I guess some days he’s just sick of bringing in a turkey sandwich on allergen-safe bread.
So when John asked for an extra big slice of pumpkin bread for his after school snack, I happily obliged. I guess that’s what drives me so much to make yummy treats all the time. I love to eat sweets like the next sugar addict, but nothing makes me happier than seeing John indulge in something that would off-limits anywhere else. I guess you could say in the war on food allergies, it’s the way I try to win the little battles.
I can relate. My egg allergy son bought today knowing that one of the food items, he couldn’t eat. Our food service director highlighted all of the menu items that contain egg. I have to say we made your pumpkin pie recipe and it was really good.
Hi Kelly! I just happened to stumble accross your sight the other day and was so excited to find new recipes to bake. I have a three year old allergic to eggs and nuts and a two year old allergic to only eggs. Your post brought tears to my eyes. It is the simple things our little ones are missing out on. It should be interesting to see what happens when my boys go to school full-time. I guess I will have to deal with it at some point or another. As of right now we are dealing with the birthday parties and trying to explain why he needs to bring his own cupcake and excluding him from eating the very tempting birthday cake all the other children get to eat.
On a brighter note, I am happy to try some of your xmas cookie recipes and make memories even if they are eggless!
I am so happy to have found your website. My son is egg, dairy, and tree nuts and my daughter is all nuts and it is so hard to make treats for them. I would like to address the school lunch issues when my son enters kindergarten next year. Do you have any suggestions of how to get started? Do I start with the school board, local school cafeteria, who? I would appreciate any input! I love your recipes and I have asked for your cookbook for Christmas
I understand as well. We went on a “trip to the North Pole” last night on a really neat steam engine train, complete with a reading of the polar express and all the kids dressed in their pj’s. I was enchanted, you can imagine my 5 year old daughter. But when the elves passed out hot cocoa and a cookie, I could see the dissapointment in her eyes as we waved them on and I pulled our “safe” treat out. It only lasted a few minutes, but it was still hard to see and feel.
As our food-allergic kiddos grow it is hard to deal with the growing jealousy, disappointments, and emotions. Your site has helped me not to give up–that there are others struggling and our kids are worth it. I gave up trying to bake because it always was disgusting and difficult. Not any more! Hug your son tight and remember all you both are doing to help!!
My grandson is severe to all nuts and slight to dairy (we can revisit dairy in 2 months) I have spent countless hours on the phone and the net searching safe foods. My daughter in law found you and what a blessing. I now have your cookbook, a new mixer and am ready to go. We went through 3 brands of soy milk before we found sun rich now he will drink milk again. Our cosco is supposed to carry it in shelf save juice box containers which I need to check out.
Kelly our many thanks to you and love to your son.. Having to carry an ephi pen everywhere we go is scarry.
Jean
This post is exactly why finding your site and cookbook are so important to me and my family. Thank you.
Hugs to you & John Kelly. I fear that Charlie is also starting to hit the age where I can’t “sell” it to him anymore – there are times I’ve resorted to “I know, it’s not fair and it stinks” and then I’ve done the same as you – given him an extra big treat that I know he can have! Thanks for all the yummy recipes – I’m having a hard time keeping my house stocked w/those Snickerdoodles – they disappear as fast as I can make them!
Thanks EVERYONE for your wonderful stories…I know you all can truly understand why these types of days and conversations can be difficult. I was recently interviewed for a profile, and the reporter asked what I most enjoyed about writing. My quick answer was my blog readers, as well as the other blogs I visit. It is precisely that support system that means so much to me, and makes this journey with food allergies a little less isolating. Thank you for always commenting with your wonderful and supportive thoughts. We’re all in this together!
I try to remind our son that this is hard for now, but someday he’ll be able to have anything he wants, as someday there will be vaccinations and cures for allergy sufferers. Also, I try to give him the perspective that there are kids with very tough challenges out there. We know kids with Down syndrome, celiac, diabetes and cancer and that puts not having lunches at school into perspective. Yesterday, we saw a picture of a kid with prosthetic legs doing karate. Now that’s courage from which we can all learn!
I know how you feel! It breaks my heart when I pick up my son from preschool and he tells me what all the kids had for their treat and he always has to eat what I send in. Birthday party days are the worst! I really hope he outgrows his allergies!
Hi Kelly, all of us who love kids who have food allergies get it; we have all been in situations like the one you describe, where our kids have to miss out and do things differently to stay safe. It is so hard for them to understand sometimes, and when they don’t complain and act so good about it I am so proud of them yet at the same time I feel so resentful that they have to be so grown up at such a young age. Like you, we focus on the positives and all the things that we can have, so thank you for giving us even more goodies to enjoy!
oh…how I completely understand and know the feeling… Sometimes our kids do need a little spoiling when you consider how much they have to miss out on.
BTW…I made your pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. It was a hit. My son brought a slice to preschool when they had their feast. He made a special declaration to his class…”This is my special pumpkin pie that my Mommy made just for me.” 
He said it like his pie was magic compared to everyone else. It made me feel good too that he liked it. 
Thanks for the recipes!
Hi Kelly! I was just wondering if you have thought about a cookbook that focuses on meal-type food rather than sweets and treats? I have 20 month old twin boys with several severe food allergies and I am always frantically searching for safe meal foods for them that appeal to their toddler taste buds.
Hi
I just read through the Christmas party plans for my 6 yr old’s class prior to reading this post- couldn’t have come across a better venue to vent. While her class is peanut, tree nut free, my daughter also happens to be dairy and egg allergic. Unfortunately, the christmas party (for which I was not able to attend the planning meeting) is a pancake breakfast complete with juice and milk to drink, muffins, sausages and hot cocoa…. uggh-sounds like an allergic reaction waiting to happen! Since it’s all planned do I bring up my grievance or just come bearing my daughter’s personal buffet…? I am a trained chef and cook everything for my daughter and all her classmates all the time but come on! Can we not just celebrate the season without so much food!?????
I love all these personal stories and especially love hearing that your kiddos are enjoying the recipes! It truly makes my day. Dianne, I completely agree with what you said about sometimes being resentful, especially because these FA kids ARE so tolerant of their condition. Erin, loved that your son enjoyed the pumpkin pie. That recipe always gets rave reviews, and I made a pie special for John once we got home from Thanksgiving vacation. Actually I think it was more for me….Hannah, I DO cook every breakfast, lunch and dinner for my family, and have a stack of great family meal recipes, but nothing is more fun for me than creating endless baking recipes. It’s truly a passion of mine, and I think baking is often the harder beast to tackle when cooking with food allergies. Anyone can grill a chicken, right? But baking is a science and I get a lot of joy of developing family favorite recipes that work. Finally Amy…wow! You’re a chef and they didn’t BEG you to make the feast or at least consult with you? Lol. Seriously though, I couldn’t agree with you more (see my previous posts about too much food in school). The dairy and egg allergy always stumps parents and teachers, especially in schools that are “peanut allergy aware”. I personally would have those on the planning committee go to this site, get the recipes for hot cocoa, muffins and even pancakes. They’re easy and fast, yummy and will include your daughter.
Hi Kelly, I just bought your book, which is rare for me to do. I love the library and love searching blogs for recipes to convert or for flat out vegan recipes to try. We’ve known about my son’s dairy, egg & peanut allergies for 5.5 years now and finding recipes for treats has been one of my favorite challenges. I have lots of them so why would I need a cookbook? But I picked up your book and LOVED it. Like you said in the intro, it’s full of basic and yummy recipes that I will use over and over. Sometimes I don’t want to search, and now I don’t have to. Thank you. I really love your book…I can tell it was truly written for a mother by a mother.
Also, our nearest Starbucks will gladly sterilize the steamer thing and make James a soy hot chocolate. (the syrup is safe, at ours, anyways) Might be worth checking into if you haven’t already. He does love to be able to get a hot cocoa when we are at Target.
I do enjoy reading these posts, and it does bother me that so many social events revolve around food. However, I have had allergies to peanuts, tree-nuts, fish and shellfish my entire life and to be honest don’t recall feeling excluded much as a kid. I think we need to realize our kids may cope better than we think they do. We feel bad because we have tasted the things they are “missing out” on. There were times I couldn’t partake in whatever was going around, but it was just something I accepted, and people always felt bad for me, but I was Okay with it. Our kids with their food allergies are different, because they can’t eat everthing that’s passed infront of them, and that’s okay. I have always provided my daughter with a special treat after an event where she has missed out on something (if we weren’t prepared ahead), and it works well. It doesn’t have to be a food substitution, a toy, or in her case a magazine makes up for things quite well.
In response to Ruth:
I totally agree with that our kids cope better than we might initially think they will. Most of the time James doesn’t seem a bit bothered with his alternate treats or hearing that something isn’t safe. I think of all the health problems kids can have and feel pretty lucky that we are *only* dealing with potentially life threatening food allergies. However, the few times that something has made him sad…those times are hard. Even more so because I see all the times that he is such a good sport about it all. I think one of the hardest things about being a parent is learning you can’t protect your kids from all heartache…it’s not good for them…but it is still a hard & emotional lesson to learn sometimes.
Well said! It’s so frustrating seeing your child not enjoying a ‘normal’ life, or at least the life you always dreamed they’d have.
My son’s in his fourth year in college – at the beginning of his sophomore year in high school I started contacting the university of his choice that he would like to live in the dorms there but would need to work with someone about eating in the dining halls. Three years later when he entered as a freshmen he was expected to find safe processed food available in their convenience store (they didn’t do special orders). Not easy when anaphylaxis to milk, egg, nuts, peanuts, tree nuts, coconut and shellfish. It took us the whole year to get them to agree they were not providing the board service we were paying for and to refund that portion. We had to provide all his food, microwave, freezer and fridge to squeeze in his dorm room – he ate alone in his room every meal. He lived like that for two years and is now in apartment. I’m still bitter (can ya tell?!) that he couldn’t participate in dorm living due to this life-threatening condition.
Don’t get me started on his elementary, junior high, high school experiences – of course I was super involved in all aspects but he still was excluded from a ton. Sigh. Just our reality. For the most part we deal fine with it but at times it really, really, REALLY bites.
Best wishes
I can relate to this so much. Our four yr old has had severe food allergies and Eczema since he was a baby and it just breaks my heart to see him sad over something he can’t have. I try to make allergy free duplicates all the time but when this is not possible – it can make them feel left out. His Bellyboost probiotics have helped so much with what he can tolerate now though and he looks and feels so much better. It has been an answer to our prayers for sure. Thanks for sharing your story- I am sure food allergies will become more difficult in our family as he gets older and has to make these choices on his own. Yikes.
I forgot to mention that I have a mom blog on living with allergies and living a green and natural life! I would love for you to come visit me!!! It’s smilinggreenmom.com
Hi, I am so glad I found your website! My son is allergic to wheat, soy, dairy, and eggs, so you can imagine what I through on a daily basis! He is now 9 and He still has not had a decent birthday cake that he liked. I have tried many recipies. I will be ordering your book I hope I find things he will enjoy. His school is pretty good because I have to provide all meals. But it was kind of funny when he had a class party and a parent bought him cupcakes just without the frosting!
I can totally relate! My son (milk, egg, nut allergies) goes to a private school who orders their hot lunches from area caterers and restaurants. There is no way I can be guaranteed that these foods are safe for him. So… he is stuck with the usual sandwich, carrot sticks, fruit snacks etc. every single day. It is Christmas time whick means parties and treats all around. Imagine my relief today, while I was at the bookstore and I found your book! I couldn’t believe there was a book suited for our exact same allergies! I couldn’t get home fast enough to try it out! I made the “banana choclolate chip muffins” for his snack today! They were so much better than my old recipe that I tried to adapt. I can’t wait to try more. What a blessing to find you! I’m not great in the kitchen anyway and can use all the help I can get