This is a phrase I utter more often than not, especially to school and camp officials. It’s always driven me a little batty when I get that dazed and confused look after I say my son John could die from a reaction to milk too. Or even legumes and peas could cause my son John to have an anaphylactic reaction.
So when developing John’s IEP and 504 Plan recently the topic of a peanut free classroom came up again. I decided that once and for all, this year, we were going to require that John’s room be declared Dairy Free too. Because as long as my school doesn’t incorporate a Food Free Birthday Treat Policy among all grade levels (exceptions are holiday parties and special educational events) I was going to make sure my son’s classroom was as safe as possible. As a mom of five kids, I’m busy. And I know all of you are busy. Do you really feel like running around whipping up a batch of my treats (as easy as they are) every month when a child celebrates his or her birthday in class? As much as I love to bake, doing this every month gets tiresome. And it often makes the child with food allergies feel excluded. More important, since daily snacks are allowed in my son’s school, there’s always a child that brings yogurt or cheese to school. John has had some pretty serious reactions just from touching residue of dairy. The whole idea of food in the classroom is so unnecessary, but if it is a must, than I think alternatives such as fresh fruit, pretzels, etc. are safer bets.
I have to give high praise to my son’s educational team, because once I informed them that John’s dairy allergy is as life threatening as his peanut allergy, they were responsive to my desire to make John’s class environment as safe as possible. Our school nurse drafted a letter immediately (once the new IEP and 504 took effect) that was sent out to my son’s classmates. The letter stated that a classmate has a life threatening allergy to dairy, and the specific procedures were in place to provide the safest possible environment. The procedures included:
- Do not send any dairy products such as yogurt or cheese for a snack.
- Do not send container that have contained dairy products such as washed out plastic containers.
- If your child eats dairy before school, please have them thoroughly wash his or her hands before coming to school. It is important that residue from drinking milk, eating cheese or yogurt is not on a student’s hands when they handle common school books and equipment.
- Our classroom celebrates birthdays in a food-free manner. You can contact your teacher for ideas.
I am very proud and grateful that our school took my concerns seriously and quickly enforced new procedures that further ensured John’s safety at school. Of course, I’m sure there may be some eyes rolling or heads turning among some of the parents upon receiving the letter but I hope not. I would like to think that if any non food allergic parent put themselves in our shoes for just even a moment, and think about what it must feel like to know that your child die from a food allergic reaction, they might change their mind and do whatever they can to help.
Have a great holiday weekend everyone!!
Just curious: What does John think? I have a rising second grader with a dairy allergy. He loves it when he can have what the others are having, but he also would be mortified if the others blamed him for not being able to have a cake or certain snack. They all pretty much know about his allergies at this point. You are in a tough spot. I feel for you. The school here has had a ban on food in the classroom except for two parties for years. No one even questions it anymore.
When I was a jr. high classroom teacher (about 7 years ago), it never occurred to me that food could be so dangerous. Until I had to deal with this issue myself (my son has multiple life threatening food allergies) I was completely ignorant! I used to eat Snicker bars while walking around my classroom giving a lecture. I would tell the kids they could eat in the room as long as they cleaned up (I had much lower standards for “clean” then) and could take notes at the same time. I had heard of peanut allergy and thought it was a rare occurrence. No one EVER said anything about food allergies in my school! I just plain did not know about the severity or prevalence. Now, I run a food allergy support group and I feel it is my duty to educate as many teachers as I can.
Kelly –
I thank you again for your continued posts. My 15 month has several severe food allergies (the first we have ever dealt with and I have a 12 and 7 year old). I have a few websites that I check regularly, but yours is one of my fav’s; from your recipes (which I have tried many) to your everyday experiences, it is such a blessing! Although he is only 15 months old, school issues are on my mind. I work at a school also, and it has made me much more aware about the dangers of food allergies – that I never even gave a thought to. Please continue to post and share your amazing stuff!
God’s Blessings – Heidi
“What I wish you knew about my food allergies” video was very informative. Should be played in all schools. Thank you for sharing on your website.
Hi Kelly,
I have son with life treatening food allergies also, and he goes to a really great school that has stepped up to the challenge since the first time I presented them with my son’s requirements. You mentioned a 504 Plan in your letter, ( maybe we call it something else ) I was wondering if you could please explain what that plan is?
Thank You for your time!
Kelly—I totally feel your (and John’s) pain. My daughter is also severely allergic to dairy and so many people can’t understand it until they see her having a reaction for themselves. Things which people say that make me cringe: “Milk’s supposed to be good for you,” “Oh, it’s just a little bit; it can’t hurt, can it?”, “I hear you can build her tolerance (blah, blah blah).”
It can get very scary going to public places/events such as children’s museums (one of the dirtiest places—how many times do you see someone actually wiping down a play area?), birthday parties (where the main meal is pizza), restaurants (especially the ones with servers who ignore/”forget” when you say, “my daughter can die if she consumes anything with milk.”) I have to remind myself to remain calm whenever we step out the door.
Congratulations on getting a milk and peanut-free classroom.
I’m with you on having food-free classrooms with strong hand-washing policies, and non-food-centric class birthday parties.
I am really surprised that your school is following through on banning dairy products. I feel like our school has been supportive, and Sophie’s teachers have done a good job of caring for her, but a lot of Sophie being safe has to do with looking out for herself, even though she is in second grade. In many ways this was our choice; we have taught Sophie to wipe down surfaces before she sits at them, sit a little apart from the group when eating with others, and inform an adult if she feels even a little bit uncomfortable about a situation. Her food allergies aren’t going anywhere any time soon, and she and I both feel confident about her ability to confront a variety of food-related situations without a problem.
I love this post because it is truly amazing how many people think that a peanut allergy is the only “life-threatening” one. My oldest son has a severe egg allergy and often people think he’ll only have a reaction if he eats just eggs for breakfast and they forget about all the cookies, cakes, muffins, etc. that contain eggs. He has attended the same preschool for 3 years and they celebrate everything with food. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been up at 11:00 p.m. making him his special cupcakes, cookies for a party the next day. He will be attending Kindergarten in the fall and I’m soooo happy that they celebrate birthday’s and special events WITHOUT food. It will be such a relief for me and also for my son who has, at times, felt very left out because he is not eating the same treats. So many people do not understand what it is like to have a child with food allergies and how severe it can be!
Kelly, that’s awesome that your school was so receptive! My second grade daughter’s 504 states that her classroom is food free also. My daughter is allergic to milk only. The other students are allowed to bring whatever they want for snack, however all students eat outside. (The weather allows this year round where we live). Otherwise the school would NEVER have agreed to this. Before coming back into class all students must wipe their hands with a wipe. This has worked out fantastically. I really wish that our school would get rid of the birthday treat tradition, but at the beginning of the year, I asked my daughter if she’d rather me try to duplicate treats we knew about, or just have a treat box with something she wanted. She picked the treat box handily. (Yay!) So even though I am annoyed when I see the Krispie Kreme doughnut boxes coming down the hall, I know it doesn’t annoy her and that’s what matters most. Laughably our school was concerned about the finances of other parents who cannot afford to buy non food treats. I said, “all the better reason to take the pressure off them and not celebrate birthdays at school WITH food either!” Unfortunately, they disagreed. I know they’re just afraid of a backlash.
Bravo Kelly for another feat accomplished! I’m amazing at how responsive your school is… what’s your secret to being so convincing to your administrators? We go to a parochial school and I feel like I’m walking thin ice whenever I bring things up to our principal (I try to present things as kind and as gently as possible). They do have a favorable peanut policy, but the school is not peanut free. Fortunately, we have been blessed with vigilant teachers so far.
With so much recent awareness regarding the serious obesity rate among our youth it seems like a food-free birthday policy would resonate with the health conscious as well as the food allergic. As someone who is also concerned about our environment, do we also need plastic, made-in-China, trinkets as well? Why can’t our children’s birthday school celebrations be about joyful experiences versus the bribe of food or toys? Younger kids especially love things like leading the line for the day, having a parent (or relative, or friend) visit school to read a book to the class, or making a poster with photos (or drawings) of them growing up through the years. There are so MANY other options to celebrating birthdays at school outside of food and junk trinkets. When we think back to our childhood, we rarely received sweets and trinkets at school, and we survived – with happy memories as well!
Keep up the EXCELLENT work! We are truly blessed by your talents!
I think I would have to disagree with you on this one. I have two children with severe allergies to peanut products, one of whom has several other dangerous allergies as well. They go to a private school that does not ban any types of foods. I do not have any problem with this. In fact I do not think that the other parents or children should have to modify their kitchens for me or my kids. I think it is imperitive that my children learn to function in a realistic environment. If they are sheltered all their childhood from their specific allergens, they will never learn to keep themselves safe as young adults. I do believe that all parents, children, and teachers should be educated on the dangers of food and the safest way to handle and clean up from meals and snack times. I have 5 children that I pack lunches for, so I know the enormous chore that it is to make lunches, I would not wish on anyone the hassles I go through! I do agree that birthdays and holidays are better celebrated with non food items, for I too have spent many a late night baking for these events. Thank you for all your great info and the work that you do!
Thanks again everyone for all your insights and thoughts. I truly appreciate all the feedback. In response to Sandra, let me be clear, I have always said I never advocate for food bans for that very reason. It is unrealistic and sets a tone that would give a false sense of security that everything would be safe. That’s not always the case. I’ve also shared my experiences with all of you so you can take what you want from it. Perhaps it might be helpful for you to know how I had a letter drafted, or what’s included in my son’s 504 plan. But what works for me and my school district may not neccessarily work for you and your school, or family, etc. Only you know what you feel comfortable with in your own situation.
Also, to clarify, I didn’t ask for a “food ban”, instead I asked for birthday celebrations to be celebrated in a food free manner, and that snacks be dairy free in addition to peanut free. Why? Because as long as our school allows a daily snack time ritual which includes kids bringing in cheese sticks, messy yogurt goo, cheeze it crackers and pirate’s booty (all of which leave messy milk containing residue), my son is at risk. He has already suffered reactions from direct contact (not neccessarily ingestion) with milk products. I have simply asked for a safer environment. Personally, I don’t understand why kids even need a snack in these older grades but parents love snack time and still push for it. The lunchroom is different; surfaces are routinely wiped down, there’s sanitizing wipes at every table and lots of safe precautions are taken to keep food allergic kids safe. I would never, ever request a food ban in the lunchroom or even the school.
Finally, in answer to the question “have I asked John what he thinks”, I say YES. I never do a thing with first dicussing with my son and asking his thoughts, what his comfort level is, what he would need and prefer to feel safe and unbothered by the whole food allergy issue. His response is always the same; he would rather not have to deal with the food issue in class… period. It takes the pressure off him, and let’s him focus on what he should; his school work, having fun and feeling included.
In regards to your eye-rolling comment – I have to say even though we would like to think people don’t roll their eyes, they do. In my own family people roll their eyes when I ask them to wash their hands after eating peanut products or after eating/handling mayo or other egg products. They think I am crazy and my 5-year-old’s reaction to it is nothing more than a belly ache. It’s infuriating and makes me not want to attend extended family functions because they don’t get that my child could die from exposure to what they are eating.
I am happy to see you have such a cooperative school. I wish more schools were this way. I
seem to be having more trouble with the substitute teachers. They seem to feel that my son needs and is looking for special attention. When all I am trying to do is help him survive the school year. I think that if it was school policy then this would be one less problem we would have to worry about.
I absolutely agree with the eye roll comment Chrissy said, people will always do that, but it is really because they are ignorant. If they were informed and knew about allergies and what could truly happen they may not be so quick to roll.
I’m really impressed that the nurse took that step to assure John’s safety. That’s really awesome. I know you must feel really great about that. Congrats.
I think it’s great that you were able to get a dairy and peanut-free classroom. I also think anyone who thinks that having allergens *out* of the classroom isn’t necessary hasn’t seen a serious contact ingestion reaction. My child react seriously to contact ingestion. I think if people who don’t support this type of accommodation also had a child who had serious contact ingestion reactions their opinions would change very quickly.
That said, I think food-free classrooms with snack and lunch in the cafeteria with handwashing afterward are best. That way others are not restricted in what they send unless their children want to sit and the allergy-free table but everyone is safe.
There is a little girl in my daughter’s class who can not have wheat. Every year when it is my daughter’s birthday and she asks to bring in cookies/cupcakes/treat for her class I bring in a special treat for this little girl (I know her parents and am familiar with what she can and cannot have). I figure if it’s to celebrate my daughter’s day the least I can do is provide everyone in the class something fun for them. The teacher always has a few treats on hand for her too so if something crops up she doesn’t miss out.
On one hand regarding the schools banning nuts/dairy I agree, because schools should be safe places. On the other hand I don’t agree not because I feel that even with allergies we need to learn to cope with them (I’m not sure how I feel on that one), but because people who do not have allergies are not going to be as vigilant about reading labels and sometimes I think that a ban gives a false sense of security. That false sense of security frightens me.