OK, most of us who follow food allergy stuff in the news remember that vile, and I mean VILE, column in the LA Times a year ago in which writer Joel Stein blasted parents of kids with food allergies. He wrote “Your kid doesn’t have an allergy to nuts. Your kid has a parent who needs to feel special”. Like many other outraged and hurt parents of food allergic kids I felt compelled to respond to Mr. Stein’s outrageous comments. On January 13, 2009 I posted:
“When I was in journalism school I lived and breathed all things Edward R. Murrow. In case some of you don’t know who Murrow was, he was the pioneer in broadcast journalism who set the highest standard for other journalists. Two of my favorite Murrow quotes came to mind when reading Mr. Stein’s piece:
“Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices – just recognize them.”
“To be persuasive we must be believable, to be believable we must be credible, to be credible we must be truthful”.
Truthful Mr. Stein was not. Instead, he was outrageous, uneducated and quite frankly an embarrassment to the code of ethics set forth by journalists. Check your facts, be truthful, put your own agenda aside and respect the power that has been granted to you. The freedom of the press is so important we protect it in the constitution, but when wannabe journalists like Mr. Stein abuse their platforms to write stupid articles it is an abuse to all journalists. Viewers and readers across the country are losing their trust in the media. We expect more. And as Newton Minnow once predicted that TV would become “a vast wasteland”, the print media is just as guilty.”
Fast forward to a column written by Mr. Stein in the August 9, 2010 edition of Time Magazine titled “Aw Nuts! I had an airtight, zero-tolerance stance on nut allergies. Then my son developed them”. Yes, you read that right, Joel Stein, the same person who ridiculed every food allergic parent in America just over a year ago recently discovered his 1-year-old son is allergic to nuts. He writes “Sitting up at 3 in the morning, I found myself totally believing in the nut-allergy epidemic.” Yes, Mr. Stein, many of us know precisely what that feels like, lying wide awake in the middle of the night thinking about all the ways our seemingly normal lives have changed in that moment our children got their diagnosis of a food allergy. It’s earth shattering and life changing.
I am not going to go down the road of “Karma’s a bitch” with this one. Having a child with a life threatening food allergy is something I would never wish on anyone, even my worst enemy. I honestly feel terrible for Mr. Stein and his wife. But the food allergic children are the innocent victims of this disease with no cure, and they are the ones who have to endure a lifetime of exclusion, anxiety and living with a special set of needs than other children. Of course, these food allergic children NEVER say “woe is me”. These kids are the real heroes, because they never complain about their food allergies.
Instead, I would love to see Mr. Stein use his journalistic platform to raise awareness about food allergies, about what it is like to send your child to preschool, birthday parties, field trips, camps, plane rides, the list goes on. It is in this moment that I think of Edward R. Murrow again, and how he took his platform as a journalist VERY seriously, and demanded everyone else around him do the same. And in the meantime, the rest of us will keep doing what we do, raise our children to be aware and raise money for a cure.
Wow! I am fairly new to the food-allergy world, as my son was diagnosed about 6 months ago. I have much to learn and so enjoy reading your posts and trying out some of your fabulous recipes. I was not aware of the article Stein wrote last year, so thank you for keeping folks informed. I hope Mr. Stein comes to a realization that he isn’t alone, I think that’s the best thing I’ve learned so far.
[...] Food Allergy Mama » Blog Archive » Joel Stein and Karma… More on this:Reasons to be Cheerful» Blog Archive » Guest blog: The many faces …Reasons to [...]
I’m thankful that I missed his first article. I’ve had to quit reading things like that because it’s too upsetting. Although I would never wish what my family and peanut allergic daughter goes through every day on anyone, I do find it funny how life works sometimes. I agree with you and hope that he now uses the opportunity he has in the media for some good. By the way, I loved your response to the hatefullness of his first article.
Sometimes you do just wish people would pull their heads in
As I’ve been reading everyone’s blog posts on Mr. Stein’s newest article I am once again awed at the sense of community we have in the food allergy parent world. Though we all instinctively know that we could so easily go down the “karma as bitch” path that you mentioned, we’re just not capable of discounting another family’s suffering the same horror that we know all too well. It’s almost worse, I think, because those of us that are further along on this journey can see with a sort of nausea-inducing foresight the difficulties, stresses and challenges that are still ahead for this family. I greatly fear, too, that Mr. Stein will get an extra helping of the guilt we all feel as we wonder what we did to deserve this – I know I torture myself with the questions of what I could have done differently (in pregnancy, in the first year of life etc. etc. etc.) to prevent this. I hope he is able to avoid this mental trap and avoid wondering whether karma truly did play a part – the truth is that none of us did anything to deserve this, even Joel Stein.
I’ve run into a few people like Mr. Stein. The ones that think all this stuff is made up and then one day find a little one close to them going down this path. As you said, I would never wish this on anyone, but I just hope these people are as outspoken regarding helping these kids with their daily lives.
hugs to you…. even moms aren’t perfect.
we found our first milk-free donut at walmart. http://milkallergymom.blogspot.com/2010/06/dairy-free-donut-option.html i’m not entirely sure it will work for you but it’s worth checking.
What a wonderful post, hopefully what was once a terrible act can turn into something that helps the very people it harmed. Thanks for sharing.
It’s unfortunate indeed that it is his son who has the food allergy. Would have been more just had Mr. Stein been the one to develop an adult-onset food allergy. (OK, I’m not as big-hearted as the rest of you!!) Anyway, it is stunning to me that in this day and age, a supposedly educated, informed journalist would have written such a column. 10 or 15 years ago, I would be slightly less shocked. But a year ago? Really?
Perfectly said! You nailed it!
Hi Kelly,
Thanks for sharing this info! I wrote an entire rebuttal to this horrible article by Joel Stein last year on my blog and am still angry about the damage his OpEd did. My own selfish wish is that he doesn’t take his “come to Jesus” moment with nut allergies and turn it into a best-selling book. Well, I won’t be buying it, anyway!
Wow. I tried searching for the article, do you have a link?
My husband was also a non-believer when it came to food allergies. He used to say, “I don’t believe in food allergies.” He even gave him peanut butter to our son once after we (should I say, *I*) had suspicious that he had an allergy (while we were waiting for our appointment with the allergist).
The day that our son had his allergist appointment, my husband sat and watched as an angry red welt flared immediately with a skin test. Needless to say be became a believer. Our son later grew out of his peanut allergy while another son of ours was diagnosed with allergies to eggs, dairy, banana and tree nuts.
I agree with you, I also hope that Joel turns this into an opportunity to raise awareness.
Amanda
I read both of Mr. Stein’s columns and I have to say that the second was a very lame attempt at an apology for the first. Mr. Stein seems to have a sensitivity issue, just the previous month he was being slammed as a racist for his failed attempt at humor at the expense of Indian immigrants living in his hometown.
After reading his most recent offering, fuming, I went to my computer and wrote him a response at 1:30 in the morning. As I presume it fell on deaf ears, I would like to share it here;
Mr. Stein-
As the mother of a four-year-old who has multiple, severe, food allergies and as the founder of a support group for families dealing with food allergies, first let me express my profound and genuine sympathy for your son’s diagnosis. That being said, thank you so much for understanding that my son’s life-threatening “difficulties” are “less funny.” I wholeheartedly agree with your observations that your writing is obnoxious, self-righteous and harsh -your words, not mine. The “valuable lesson” you should have learned was: parents of kids with food allergies aren’t seeking attention (or retribution from you) but rather dealing with a very difficult, sometimes isolating, emotionally draining, monumentally misunderstood, many times misdiagnosed, often hidden and potentially fatal medical condition all the while trying to give our kids a normal, yet safe, childhood. In other words, somewhere in your article you should have written: “You were right. I was wrong. I apologize.” An apology should be issued, or don’t you have “the nuts”?
-Sarah
Mr. Stein shouldn’t feel guilt for his writing having caused his son’s food allergy- another myth he perpetuates. Perhaps he will learn that parents of FA kids did not cause nor ‘deserve’ their kids’ diagnosis. Mr. Stein SHOULD feel guilt for irresponsible and cruel articles making false accusations adding fuel to the anti-allergy folks’ fire.
Thanks Kelley for “getting it” and staying on top of the media!
Sarah A.
Well-said. I don’t think Joel Stein is a journalist to be taken seriously. He’s more like a failed comedian who’s taken to journalism, judging by his other ignorant and thoughtlessly composed articles.
I haven’t read either of Mr. Stein’s articles yet. My mother told me that she heard that he received lots of comments from people saying they hoped this very thing would happen to him after the first article – if so, those people should be ashamed of themselves. Harm should never, ever be wished on anyone.
It certainly would make our lives as a family with tree nut-allergic child easier if people would stop assuming that we are exaggerating the seriousness of food allergies and accept that we need to follow the treatment advice of our doctors, which means really being that careful. It makes things so much harder when everyone is reading these pop culture articles that downplay the seriousness of it.
You just simply can’t grasp the enormity of having a child with food allergies until you have one. It changes everything! Thank you Kelly for giving our children a voice!
I have no issue with parents wanting to raise awareness of the plight of their children. As a celiac (by no means on the same level as the life-threating allergy of peanuts) I understand the need to make sure that others are informed of the seriousness of the threat. I believe, though, what Mr. Stein did have a problem with (and what I do have a problem with) is when parents of children with a food allergy want to send their children into public places (i.e., schools and nurseries) and place the onus of keeping their child free from possible allergens on the rest of us and our children.
Thank you for this post, Kelly… To McNally, I also have Celiac, but I am also the mother of a child with life threatening food allergies. Our daughter almost lost her life when she came into contact to something she is allergic to (she did not ingest the food). I have respect for everyone’s personal opinions, but I must admit that your last statement saddens me, as we have faced many challenges keeping our daughter safe (especially at school). These children did not ask to be born with life threatening food allergies, and it is something they have to live with every day. I personally feel it is so important for these children to be able to attend school safely and to lead as normal of a life as possible. I think what saddens me the most about your last statement is that it appears that the inconvenience to others is more important than the life of a child. I hope somehow, someday, your opinion will change.
Thank you Kelly for posting this. First of all I had never read Mr.Stein’s article, probably because I didn’t have a child then. Now I have a almost 1 year old that has severe food allergies to milk, eggs, peanuts, and broccoli. It is amazing the support that I get from other moms like me. We do have a special bond that we share and unless you have a child with food allergies, there is not way to understand the hardship we parents go through for our children.
I wanted to say thank you to Sarah A. for what she wrote to Mr. Stein. You wrote “parents of kids with food allergies aren’t seeking attention (or retribution from you) but rather dealing with a very difficult, sometimes isolating, emotionally draining, monumentally misunderstood, many times misdiagnosed, often hidden and potentially fatal medical condition all the while trying to give our kids a normal, yet safe, childhood”. Your quote is exactly how I feel on a day to day basis and it’s hard to be around other children/mommies because they don’t get it. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only who feels the same.
McNally, I was truly surprised by what you said and yet I shouldn’t becasue I have heard it before. I really don’t understand what parents of children without food allergies want us to do? Are we suppose to not send our children to regular schools, or take them to the Zoo, or the Museum? That’s not fair and like Mary pointed out, our children did not ask to be born this way. I would actually do anything to take it away from my little girl if it meant me being allergic to everything!! As an elementary school teacher I have had students in my class with peanut allergies and the rest of my class survived all year without peanut products in the classroom (they had it at home). It makes me sad to see how cruel the world can actually be. Is it worth risking the life of one child, so that another can have a peanut butter/jelly sandwich? Which, by they way they can eat at home. In my opinion, it’s not!! As Mary pointed out I really hope that you change your opinionon this.
Mr. Stein continues to demonstrate his ignorance by stating that his son will not attend a nut free school and that they will not ban nuts from the home. How does he know that his son will not acquire a higher level of sensitivity such as contact or inhalation? He is just beginning his journey into FA and frankly doesn’t know much. It’s just too bad he has a platform that is intended to inform people. I don’t know how anyone can view him as anything but a joke. I hope for his son’s sake, he doesn’t view medically necessary accommodations as something only us attention seeking parents ask for.
To McNally, life threatening allergy is a disability under the ADA. Disabled children have rights to equal access, as well as a free and appropriate public education (FAPE). Schools are required to provide a safe environment. For some children (like my daughter), that means you can’t eat her allergen inside the classroom, and children must wash hands after eating lunch in the cafeteria. Don’t you teach your children to do that anyway? I fail to see the inconvenience and I actually think we do you a service by reducing the spread of germs and by fighting the obesity epidemic by reducing the amount of JUNK that comes into our schools. All I want is for my child to come home safe everyday. It saddens me that some folks want to make it about them. Where is the compassion?
Victoria-
You are welcome. It’s nice to be heard!
McNally-
You wrote that your problem is with parents who “place onus” on you and your children. Onus is defined as a difficult or disagreeable obligation, task, burden, etc. Is is really that hard to keep your “second-hand food” to yourself? That is really all we are asking.
Other people (and their messy kids) eat EVERYWHERE. 1. Stop eating in waiting rooms or museums or music class etc. We expect crumbs at the food court, not at Karate. 2. Don’t eat certain foods when requested ie if a school has a no nut policy. The policy is to keep a kid safe not to burden you by having to make the giant sacrifice of providing a lunch meat sandwich in stead of a pb&j in your kid’s lunch box. You can still eat whatever you want, away from the school. 3. Clean up after yourself! I see moms who are oblivious to their kids sprinkling cheese goldfish through department stores and the library everyday.
I think the people on whom onus is placed are the kids who are endangered by the selfish sense of entitlement held by so many who obviously do not understand, or care.
Mr Stein’s first article perpetuated this negative attitude. Mr. Stein’s second article merely stated that he didn’t think it was “as funny”.
How sad for the both of you to be so inconvenienced by our kids’ life threatening plight!
Sarah A.
[...] a) Mr. Stein’s original LA Times opinion piece, 3) Allergic Living Magazine’s response and 3) Food Allergy Mama’s response post that is really insightful. Possibly related posts: (automatically [...]