This is one of my favorite quotes from American poet Emily Dickinson. In the past month as I’ve shuffled endless carpools, write, cook, bake, clean, try to sell my house, etc. etc. etc. I’ve had to pause each and every day to remember the joy in all the little stuff I do every day. Yes, I have my share of crappy days like everyone else, but lately I’ve come to realize that it isn’t necessarily the issue at hand that matters, but rather how I choose to react to it, that matters.
For example, in previous years, Halloween really used to freak me out, and not just in the literal sense (I don’t like mock graveyard scenes, zombies and scary movies…I’m a wuss). I used to hate having to think so far ahead about how I was going to handle the school Halloween party, or how I was going to handle trick or treating. This year, the tone was totally different. For starters, my son’s class party was food free, which was fantastic and eliminated all that planning and stress. The kids DID NOT care, believe me. I was in the classroom helping out and they were having so much fun playing games, etc. that they could have cared less if someone brought in a neon orange-tinted cupcake. Second, my 4th grade FA son wanted to go trick or treating without me, and out with his friends. Now, our community is very much like Mayberry, and everyone looks out for everyone’s kids. My son was going with trusted friends, and he took his medicine kit and my cell phone with him. He knew the rule was that he was to eat ZERO, ZILCH, NADA candy while en route, and had to wait until he got home to eat any of the three types of FA safe candy he got. John’s friends knew the drill, and were so aware and thoughtful of John and how to keep him safe. They truly cared about his well-being and were serious about following my rules. I told John, that I am letting go a little to allow him to make his own choices, and that I trusted him to follow the same rules we’ve always had. Then with the blink of an eye, my freckle-faced boy bolted out the door, with pillowcase in hand. He was LIVING…just like any other kid. And though I worried until the second he ran back in through the door, I was grateful he had his moment to let go and have fun. He never takes anything for granted, and I could tell he enjoyed spreading his wings a bit.
As John enters middle school next year, he is inching toward the age group of FA kids who are most likely to die from a food allergic reaction. Last year FAAN released a survey of food allergy patients ages 13-21 years old. Half the respondents admitted to knowingly eating food that they were allergic to, or that they knew was unsafe for them. Only 61 percent of the patients carried their life-saving medication epinephrine. And the majority of the respondents said although they wished their peers knew more about food allergies, they didn’t want to be the ones to educate them. FAAN conducted an earlier study that showed 69 percent of fatal food allergic reactions, were between the ages of 12-21. It is an extremely vulnerable group, and as my FA son grows up, I am realizing how important it is to be forthcoming with all this information to my son, so he can advocate for himself, especially as he increasingly finds himself in social and sports situations where I’m not always around.
I’ll try not to focus so much on the statistics. Instead, perhaps I’ll follow Emily D.’s lead and just live for today, because at the end of the day, time is sacred and shouldn’t be wasted for one minute worrying about things and situations we can’t control. Prepare, plan, but then let go and live freely, right?
One more thing, I just learned today that my Food Allergy Mama blog was nominated as a Circle of Moms top 25 Food Allergy Blog, a true honor and am so excited to be in the running. Please go here to vote, and you can vote every day until November 16th. I am so grateful for all you guys, you really are the most amazing and supportive group of readers I could ever hope for. I’ve learned so much from all of YOU over the years, and hope that I can continue to inspire and create recipes for your families for years to come. Seriously love you all and your comments…;)
Happy Baking…and will be back soon for a Thanksgiving recipe!!!
xo,
Kelly
Beautifully said! It is so true in all of our lives. Thank you for your inspiration, hard work and wonderful recipes. You have allowed me to bake goodies that I never thought my son could enjoy. Thank you! I will go vote right now
I volunteered to make the snack for my food allergy son’s class. My son has an egg allergy. There was also a Dairy, Nut and Wheat Allergy in the class. I was determined to make sure every child could have the same snack since many times, they can’t. I took a gluten free cake mix and mixed in 1 can of pumpkin and baked cupcakes. Turned out well and I found frosting that was allergy safe too. The kids loved it!
I just want to give some hope to all of the food allergy moms out there. My daughter has been allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts and tree nuts since she was a baby. She’s now 12 and in 7th grade. Her allergist retested her a couple of weeks ago. She hadn’t been tested since 1st grade. She showed no reaction to milk and a very mild reaction to eggs. I never thought this day would come! It’s such a relief! We have been slowly testing foods with milk baked in them. So far she has had no reaction! She was thrilled to finally taste monkey bread last weekend – a good recipe for you to work on Kelly. I’ve never had an allergy safe alternative to that one. She has ordered regular popcorn at events that we’ve been to in the past couple of weeks too. That’s one of her favorites and she has never been able to order it at a football game or other public event. We have not tested eggs baked in anything yet, but that is our next step. Our allergist said to try it.
Peanuts and tree nuts have not changed. We have a wonderful allergist. He keeps telling me that there are very promising things coming for us. He mentioned drops on the tongue that will be coming a few years. He said right now it looks like they can either cure the food allergy or at least help most people tolerate their food allergen. It’s still being tested, but looks very hopeful for all of us. I’m hoping soon all of our children will be safe and not have to worry about what they eat.
What a beautiful blog post! You are such an amazing mother and I have so much respect and admiration for all that you accomplish. You are my hero!
Hi kelly, i really need to take a lesson from you and learn to live in the moment more. This was the first year we took our FA 5 yr old trick ot treating and he loved it! Everytime he got a unsafe food he handed it over right away…he didnt even want it in his basket lol. I guess its a testiment to how much he has learned. We find that he can have alot of different candies out there, he is FA to milk,egg peanuts. I was wondering what is your safe three??? We like mike n ikes, skittles, dum dums, lots of difderent gummies, starburst, chuckles, cotton candy…the list is pretty long. Is there something i am unaware of???
This was so beautifully written! It expresses the myriad of feelings that so many allergy moms experience everyday. The frenzy to plan way ahead, the social inclusion and the ability to live life completely and safely. The statistics for our “free-to-be” children ages 12-21 being at greatest risk can be reduced with continued education to our surrounding environments (school, family, friends) and ultimately, preparedness. Thank you for this posting!
Kelly, this line brought tears to my eyes: “He was LIVING…just like any other kid.” That really gets me. It’s my hope every single day to make my 7-year-old daughter’s life like that. We’re trying.
Congratulations on being nominated Kelly, it is well deserved, and this blog is an example why. You put into words all of our hopes, fears and dreams for the kids we love, you inspire us, and your recipes help us to help them by making wonderful treats that everyone loves, so that no one is left out. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your wonderful recipes. How wonderful that your son’s classroom party was food free! I’m THRILLED to read what Kelly T. wrote. I did not know about possible drops for the tongue. It’s so encouraging to hear that promising things are coming for FA children. It’s what I pray for every night.
Melissa
Thank you for this inspiring posting. I agree that we must have faith that our children will make responsible choices. My 4 year old son’s teacher tells him “you know your allergies and are responsible for keeping yourself safe.” I have noticed a shift in his thinking this year partly as a result of her encouragement. When we went trick or treating my son would say “trick or treat. I am allergic to dairy nuts and eggs” without any prompting to do so. It was funny at first but then I as I thought about it I was so proud that he was taking control of his allergies. Of course the people handing out candy did not quite know what to do with that information.
I want to share a beautiful quote by Judith Lassider ( a well known yoga instructor and author) “Faith is willing to put its foot out when there is no guarantee that there will be a step to support it. It is the willingness to experience reality as it is; including acceptance of the unknown” I guess we all have to have a little faith in our children no matter how scary that letting go may be.
Thank you for sharing Kelly.
My eldest son is 15 years old with multiple food allergies (dairy, egg, beef, sesame, fish, shellfish, peanut/tree nut, mustard and raspberries). I do worry that he is in that age group that statistics state are the most vulnerable to vear off track. I can only hope that all that I have taught my son stays with him through all the temptations that he will encounter. I do have faith in my son…unfortunately I can’t always say the same for those living outside the world of food allergies. I try my best to educate those around him…students, teachers, family members, friends…but ultimately he will need to trust himself.
In response to Kelly T’s request for a monkey bread recipe, I can tell you what I’ve done. My 8-yr-old has the same allergies as your child (milk, eggs, peanuts). I take either Trader Joes pre-made pizza dough or a Pillsbury pizza dough sold in those tubes, and make little dough balls, dip them in melted Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine, and roll in a sugar and cinnamon mixture. The dough puffs up nicely and the margarine, cinnamon, and sugar become gooey just like the real monkey bread. It’s one of my daughter’s favorites!
Is monkey bread like cinnamon buns? If so, I use the recipe for cinnamon buns for my breadmaker ( love my breadmaker!- french stick, sub buns, pizza dough). I substitute the egg with 1/4 cup applesauce and replace the butter with canola oil. When finished and cooled a bit I drizzle them with icing. Yummy! My kids love them and ask for them all the time! All their friends can’t tell what is ‘missing’!
Thank you for this post. My 15 month old son was diagnosed with a life-threatening egg allergy when he was 11 months old at the time. As I conferenced called my parents and husband in the allergist’s parking lot to let them know the news, my mom had found your blog and ordered your book in the 10 minutes it took for me to drive home from the doctor’s office.
It is amazing the support and love that people have for a FA child! Our relatives have surrounded us during this time of transition and learning and we are so grateful. Kelly, I have been reading and rereading your book with post-its lining the pages and baking up a storm!
Thank you for writing your blog and your book for parents like me… ones who still want our FA child to experience life and to know that this “new normal” is ok.
Thank you for this beautifully, uplifting post. I am trying to overcome my own fears so I do not pass them on to my little guy. Thank you for reaffirming all of the choices and massive planning ahead that I do. It was just what I needed to read today. Blessings!
Aw, glad you were able to let go a little. I have a 9 year old third grader with a dairy allergy too. I just wrote about it here: http://dairyfreediner.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/full-circle-on-halloween/ It’s a process for sure!